The Velocipastor


Written, edited, and directed by Brendan Steere. Doug is a priest, who loses his parents in a freak car accident. He travels to China to find peace but after a run-in with a dinosaur artifact, finds himself with the ability to turn into a velociraptor (which looks more like a T-rex but pay no attention to that). He returns home and struggles with the secret until he saves a neighborhood prostitute, Carol, from a thug while changed into the killing dinosaur. Carol convinces Doug to use his new power to fight crime which comes in the form of pimp Frankie Mermaid and a group of ninja’s. Doug’s cohort Father Stewart has his own opinion of what Doug should do and enlists Altair to do an exorcism of the dinosaur with shocking results.

Velocipastor has everything you need! Action, fight sequences with and without the dinosaur, awesome practical effects, pretty much every scene with Father Stewart (his reactions should be turned into gifs), the deadpan delivery and seriousness of the matter at hand. This film totally understands the genre of “bad” movies and delivers in all its glory. I watched with my husband and teenage (16) son and we audibly cheered, groaned, our minds were blown, and we laughed throughout. So much fun to watch and definitely one to collect and watch again. It has been a couple of days and my son and I are still quoting from the movie and re-enacting Father Stewart’s reactions. A real bonding moment…

Greg Cohan plays Father Doug (aka Velocipastor) with seriousness, sincerity, and spot on timing. (Whaaat?) I cannot imagine anyone else playing Doug. Alyssa Kempinski plays Carol the prostitute perfectly and innocently with a dry delivery of her lines, no wonder Doug falls for her. Plus, who knew she could fight like that? So natural… Daniel Steere plays Father Stewart, who endures quite a bit of grief in his life adding to his shocked face. He also happens to endure the most “blood” filled moments. So good. Everyone is top-notch with the right amount of cheese–which I LOVE! This film had to be a ton of fun to make.

My one and only issue is the montage following Doug and Carol’s night together. As it began, my son said, “epilepsy attack warning” and I agree. It was a bit much, so be warned and if you can, look away until the music ends, and you’ll be fine.

I HIGHLY recommend the film if you like fun, campy, wacky comedy/horror and practical effects. You will have fun watching this movie. Especially with a group of friends. Get together and experience the Velocipastor as a group (or virtually as a group). Available on Tubi and Amazon. Watch the trailer below:

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *